Soapbox Moments #1 and #2

OK OK. I know it's been awhile. Fine. Longer than a while. This semester has flown by, as most of them do - my recital is over - there's week left of school before finals. Pure craziness. But enough with that stuff.

#1. This past week I went into a local elementary school to observe a friend, a first year elementary music teacher, teach her morning classes. Her classes were mostly minority, in fact, almost totally, and it was a really interesting experience. They had just opened up a new kindergarten class in the school, and they took the rug from her classroom to give it to that room. Her classes came in, the day before a holiday, to sit on a cold tile floor and they were, of course, crazy! Her next class consisted of six immersed ESL students who were native Spanish speakers together with another class of regular students. It was pretty obvious that they understood more of what was going on than they wanted to let on, and most of them proceeded to sit around and giggle and make fun of the rest of the class's activities. Anyway, it was a sad reminder of the real life issues that teachers face in a classroom every day - and that's just before they start teaching! Sam Seaborn from the West Wing:

"Education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don't need little changes. We need gigantic, monumental changes. Schools should be palaces. The competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be making six figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge to its citizens, just like national defense. That's my position. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet. "

Honestly. We can do better.

#2. That same morning we went down the hall to help with a Voyager reading program class. The children - 3rd graders I think - had the day off and were working on some Thanksgiving themed activities - coloring and creating cornucopia placemats and doing Thanksgiving pilgrim word finds. I sat down and were helping a group of guys and chatting with them. We got to talking about Thankgiving plans and food and what their favorite Thanksgiving food was. They couldn't tell me whether they liked pumpkin pie, or pecan pie, or cobbler, because they had never had those things. Lest we ever forget how very very blessed we are this holiday season.

We got to talking about what they like to do after school, and they all answered "play video games." I asked them what games they were and the responses I got were Grand Theft Auto: Vice City... from all 3 of them! They liked the game because they could blow things up and punch people and shoot people. 3rd graders! Here's a user review from a quick google search (rated 5 stars):

A Real Kill
This game is sorta like the Kill Bill movies because in Kill Bill the woman who wants revenge will stop at nothing to kill her nemmisis bill and in GTA Vice City Tommy will also stop at nothing to kill people but not only that but all of the following
Steal peoples cars and trucks.
Form a gang.
Kill police and the army.
Kill other gangs.
Kill paramedics.
Kill school kids.
Kill teachers.
Get drunk on big nights.
Comit hit and runs.
Go to partys.
Go to clubs.
Go to casinos.
Gamble.
Drink.
Kill celebirtys.
Kill millionares.
Kill People.
And
Rise up the ranks as Vice Citys most dangerous criminal.
and thats all hope you liked my reveiw of Grand Theft Auto Vice City and if you think Grand Theft Auto Vice City is good then get it I got it.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

College Minister In View of a Call

Our church personnel committee has extended a call to Michael Criner to come in view of a call this Sunday. Michael along with his wife, Abby, are both are graduates of Howard Payne University. Michael will graduate from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary this December. Currently, Michael serves as the interim College Minister at Indiana Avenue Baptist Church in Lubbock, Texas. Michael comes highly recommended to us as one who is passionate about student ministry, a wonderful communicator, and gifted administrator.

Michael and Abby will be introduced in both morning services, will speak in the College Sunday School, and will preach in the evening service. Please make plans to meet them personally in the foyer from 6:00 to 6:30 p.m. Sunday evening. A vote will follow the evening service.

They Crossed!

I can't believe they crossed! Goodness. The world is watching.

English stinks.

I think English needs better words. I wish you could tag emotions and facial expressions and a host of adjectives and metaphors and additional meanings onto a word. Take "I'm sorry" for instance:

"I'm sorry" when your parents make you say it to someone else (and you're not really)... shouldn't be the same "I'm sorry" you say when you really are.

"I'm sorry" doesn't cover not being good at something.

"I'm sorry" doesn't cover feeling sad for someone, or with someone, or anger towards another.

"I'm sorry" isn't the same when you accidently kick someone under the table and when you say I'm sorry to a girl who has just been hurt by a guy. Or the "I'm sorry" you say on behalf of all guys to all girls for the disgraceful behavior bestowed to them.

"I'm sorry" isn't enough when you are talking to someone who has just lost a father, a mother, a brother... a child.

"I'm sorry" doesn't cover the true repentance felt by the sinking feeling that just eats away at you when you've really wronged someone and you pray and beg for restoration.

"I'm sorry" doesn't cover - I love you.

So anyway... to all you who are frustrated with the English language... I don't really know what to tell you other than, "I'm sorry," and the English language says "I'm sorry" too.

All-State Choir Camp

Choir camp was a tiring but very entertaining experience. This was my third year to work the camp as a counselor, so I pretty much knew what to expect. We had a staff meeting at 10am on Tuesday and the kids began checking in at 2pm that afternoon. Then it was off to the races!

As part of the registration process, we pretest the campers on sightreading if they choose, with the opportunity for them to test out of the sightreading session later on in the week if they do well. This is always interesting, because sightreading is one of the biggest fears and challenges in the all-state process. Well, we test them and record them on minidisc players, and then go back and grade them later on. Some of the kids are amazing... some of them... eh... not so much.

We counselors get together and listen to eachother's recordings and they can range from the amazing to absurd, hilarious and heart-breaking. It's sad to listen to a high schooler almost bust into tears over a silly eight measures of music.

We had one girl who at the end of her recording said,
"*sigh*... I'm done... I lose..." in one of the saddest voices I have ever heard!!

And of course there are those who simply wander and weave on any note and rhythm and syllable until somehow they decide they have reached the end of the line.

That was the beginning of camp, and things only got more hilarious. All the campers are given nametags that are to be worn at all times outside of their immediate halls in the dorms. This is done for identification obviously, not just their name, but as one of our campers amidst the other church, debate, and athletic camps taking place on campus at the same time. So the first day is always a lot of reminding the campers to remember their nametag and wear it like they're supposed to. The guy counselors were sitting on the couches in the dorms watching the campers head out to one of their rehearsals and one of them took it upon himself to yell at the kids without nametags, not because he is a nametag nazi, but because he likes to scare the campers on the first day.

Anyway, so this stream of campers were heading out of the dorm and you just hear... "Nametag!... Nametag!... Hey, nametag! NAMETAG!... uh... Is that even our kid!?!?"
It was hilarious to be sure.

The first day was crazy, I had to take care of a camper who almost broke his nose - that was an ordeal - and we were supposed to have an ice cream social after the last rehearsal that night. However, lovely Aramark decided to deliver the ice cream over an hour early and just leave it sitting outside - so we had to flip flop the ice cream and the last rehearsal, or risk drinking our ice cream social. Have you ever tried to give just over 300 high schoolers ice cream and free time and then pack them all shoulder to shoulder on a stage and try to get them to sing? Yeah... I'm sure you can imagine how that went over.

Every year it is always interesting to see what kinds of personalities we get in the dorms. There are always little incoming freshmen tenors whose voices haven't changed, and who haven't seen a day of high school yet. You always do a double take when walking down the hall of a dorm at 2am listening for voices - because you always think there's a girl in one of the rooms, and then you realize it's just one of those tiny tenors! Well, these young'uns are as equally aloof. I had one camper, Logan, who managed to always forget his nametag, locked himself out of his room 7-8 times, and freaked out about a cockroach in his room because his grandmother had once told him that if you touch a cockroach, "...the germs will get inside of you and you will die!" And he was serious!! We had campers forget their nametag, lose their cell phones, forget their music, lose their meal card, forget their purses, drop their meal card underneath the strings of a grand piano and, my favorite, drop a room key down through the grate on an airconditioning vent on the floor of a rehearsal room.

You know, I really like to see guys who have a healthy respect for females, Lord knows I do. I think girls should be given all the courtesies and respect, and be defended and fought for. But... I have to tell you... I get a little worried when I walk down the hall and overhear a high schooler through a door saying, "Allison.... Allison is God!!... She's soooo nice!"

The guy counselors - especially one - make a point each year to see how much we can get the campers to do for us. You know, it starts out in Penland with - "hey, while you're up, would you get me a refill of Dr. Pepper" - but quickly progresses to - "Hey, would you get me some cobbler?" or "Would you get me some ice cream?" Later it moves on to - "Hey would you go to the coke machine and buy me a Dr. Pepper?" and I mean, not, "Here's 60 cents, would you buy me a Dr. Pepper?" I seriously mean - would you go dig in your pocket and buy me a Dr. Pepper!! After the first day and a half or so, they just ask if we want anything when they go to the convenience store! They buy us chips, drinks, candy... it's pretty much amazing - but it get really funny when it gets to - "Hey! Ya'll are ordering us pizza tonight." and "Hey - here's my keys, would you take my stuff out to my car" at the end of camp. I guess it kind of is a quid pro quo deal though - we are a lot more relaxed on the guys around the dorms and concerning light out and such, since they willingly serve us during the week!

Well, anyway - there's a ton more to be said about camp but I think I'll leave my writing on that note. I was lucky to be in bed by 3:45 and had to be up by 6:50 so it made for a week of yawns, sugary snacks and Starbucks in the mornings. I managed to sleep through church on Sunday (I set my alarm for 9am and woke up at 12:10!) but I suppose I probably needed the sleep.

Randomness!

Tomorrow I start living in the dorms as a camp counselor for the Baylor All-State camp. It'll be a crazy busy but fun week and I'm excited to have a schedule and full days again! However, please pr for the students and staff and the craziness as we all come together from all over Texas for this week.

Students are coming back from trips overseas, and I have had brief chances to catch up on their experiences. I had some friends come back from a short stint in Central Asia and a neighboring country, and it has been amazing to hear the ways that HE is working daily in the lives of people around the world, often in ways that even they do not realize, and continuing to open doors and opportunities. I've also been catching up on people through their postings and writings on various blogs and it has truly been a blessing. Technology has made communication so easy, and yet we often find ourselves painfully lax in taking advantage of it. I had one such experience earlier today. I checked my messages on myspace the other day (which I probably check about once a month) to find out that a classmate and friend of mine from HS had recently married and moved to Waco. She asked me to drop by and see her at her work sometime. She had sent me the message a month ago, and I had only found it now. I dropped by her work today, only to find that she no longer worked there, and her coworkers had thought she had moved out of town. An opportunity lost, not just to reconnect with a friend, but to connect with two people struggling to find themselves in a new life, in a new city.

I think I have been sleeping too much. The reason I know this is that I'm no where near tired when it is time to get to bed, and I wake up very very early and can't go back to sleep for a really long time. At least I hope that's the deal. There are obviously other possibilities. The thing is I've also been pretty emotional lately. Now don't get any crazy ideas or funny images in your head - no, I haven't opened up the door to find it raining outside and suddenly burst into tears, but seriously, I've been pulled and shaken and moved by thoughts and images like I haven't been in a while. HE is up to something, I don't know what, but I have a feeling it's amazing.

Did anyone watch the World Cup Final? It was an amazing match. I have to say that the sequence of events around and through the Zidane headbutt incident was the wildest thing I've seen on TV in a while. I mentioned before that this World Cup has made an international soccer match fan out of me. These past few weeks have been the first time I have watched a soccer match all the way through. One thing kind of puzzled me however. Did anyone see the trophy presentation? This was the first time I had seen the World Cup trophy. A year of hype, one month and 64 matches later - a lot of commercials, one match changes everything, joga bonito - anyway, all for this little trophy! Haha, I know, I know, it's not about the trophy... but seriously! I don't know what that says about Americanism or American sports and championships, but I think it probably helps that it is 11 lbs. of solid 18 karat gold. The man-law commercials state that if two people's saliva touches it is technically a kiss. So I'm watching all the Italians surrounding the trophy and the whole team is kissing the globe at the top of the trophy. And all I could think about was that is a lot of sweaty guys combined with a lot of saliva touching!

I finished the D.A. Carson book, and am moving on to Dan Kimball's book on the Emerging church and another run at David Crowder's Praise Habit. Hopefully that will offer me enough respite from highschool boys the rest of this week.

We have a college minister coming in view of a call on the 23rd so if you think about it, offer some pr up for that as well. In the meantime, the leadership that is here is getting busy stringing together info, lists, calendars, leaders and such for the Fall.

Hospitality.

We had a candidate come in for the college minister position today. It was very exciting to hear his views on ministry and what the goals and vision for this unique time in students lives should be. However, it was not just us asking questions of him - it was him asking questions of us. Probably one of the most compelling questions was over the culture of Baylor, what it is to be a student at Baylor.

I would describe Baylor culture as involved. Students are very involved in many different organizations and activities, many times over-involved. I would describe Baylor as a place where the lines of Christian culture are clearly seen - popular music, hot reads, involvement in service causes and organizations. You mean you haven't read Blue Like Jazz? or Redeeming Love? Or Desiring God? Or Wild at Heart? You haven't seen the Invisible Children video? You don't know who Shane and Shane are? Don't get me wrong here, I think all of those can be, and in and of themselves, are amazing things and, with the exception of Redeeming Love I have delved into all of them.

I would also describe Baylor as being two separate worlds. There is the Christian culture world - these students may or may not actively attend church, but have a church background and consider themselves to adhere to most of it. Then there is the other side - students who have no church background, or have rejected their experience with church.

These two sides make up the challenges of ministry to a campus like Baylor - gleaning through what is good about Christian culture, tradition, denominational doctrines, theologies, philosophies, practices, while keeping the focus where it should be - and - crossing over and beyond barriers between "churched" and "unchurched", or even maybe evangelical traditions and other Christian traditions.

These challenges are at best a stern test to face effectively, and at worst a goliath. The candidate however, agreed with the direction our ministry has taken for years - that it is in community that these barriers are best met. He told a story about gathering all the students involved in all the small groups from his college ministry together for an event. He said he met people he had never seen before - and as the college minister he was supposed to have met everyone! One student was a Catholic who attended a small group because that is where he found community, but went to Catholic mass on Sunday mornings. These experiences are not unlike much of our small groups, where students gather who aren't necessarily part of our church, or any church, because it is a place where they experience community and engage in life together.

In the book I've been reading by D.A. Carson, he poses the question, "How then, shall we tie together the biblical mandated responsibility of Christians to interact warmly with those who are not believers, and the biblically mandated responsibility of Christians to distinguish, on doctrinal, experiential, and ethical grounds, betweent hose who are Christians and those who are not?". His response:

"What must not be done is to overthrow either priority. There are churches that are mightily concerned to preserve their own comfort zones, to preserve all their prized traditions... Christians in these churches are likely to evangelize only those people who are already churched or who in some sense belong to a churchy culture. Of course, in the sheer grace of God, some biblical illiterate may come in off the street and be converted - but this will owe very little to the church's commitment to spread the gospel among those who have never heard. They will insist that people become Christians before they can actually belong to them. Sadly, however, these believers may find it almost impossible to explain the gospel to people whose subculture is far removed from their own...

What we should strive for, surely, is a church that is full of teaching (doctrinal, ethical, historical, spiritual), rigorous in its discipleship, and patently faithful in its exercise of godly discipline - and at the same time a church in which believers know how to communicate with nonbelievers, a church whose public meetings, however full of teachign and discipline they may be, are authentic in all they do, welcoming and warm to strangers, and careful to apply the Scriptures to all of life, with contemporary probings that are simultaneously faithful to Scripture and culturally penetrating. At one level, that church will be saying that you have to become a Christian to belong; at another level, that church will be so authentic in its communication, so warm in its acceptance of people as people, so genuine in its belief and conduct, that outsiders will be attracted.... Christians in such a church will gradually learn, out of sheer love for people, to try to get across with winsome gentleness, what the Bible says, while refusing to soft-pedal the Bible in any way." - D.A. Carson, Becoming Conversant with the Emerging Church

What a challenge.

"...how inexhaustible are the riches that open up for those who by God's will are privileged to live in a daily fellowship of life with other Christians!

It is true, of course, that what is an unspeakable gift of God for the lonely individual is easily disregarded and trodden under foot by those who have the gift every day. It is easily forgotten that hte fellowship of Christian brethren is a gift of grace, a gift of the Kingdom of God that any day may be taken from us, that the time that still separates us from utter loneliness may be brief indeed. Therefore, let him who until now has had the privilege of living a common Christian life with other Christians praise God's grace from the bottom of his heart. Let him thank God on his knees and declare: It is grace, nothing but grace, that we are allowed to live in community with Christian brethren." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

Battle Hymn.

I wonder whether it was American arrogance that heralded the Battle Hymn a patriotic song. You would think with a song that is a battle cry for God in his radiant glory would be a song of hope apart from flag or country. The truth is that it wasn't arrogance - that it was a patriotic song John Brown's Body far before it became the hymn in 1861 after Julia Ward Howe rewrote the lyrics to be more uplifting. This is a version of the original lyrics:

Old John Brown's body lies a-mouldering in the grave,
While weep the sons of bondage whom he ventured all to save;
But though he lost his life in struggling for the slave,
His truth is marching on.

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!
His truth is marching on!

John Brown was a hero, undaunted, true and brave;
Kansas knew his valor when he fought her rights to save;
And now though the grass grows green above his grave,
His truth is marching on.
Chorus

He captured Harpers Ferry with his nineteen men so few,
And he frightened "Old Virginny" till she trembled through and through,
They hung him for a traitor, themselves a traitor crew,
But his truth is marching on.
Chorus

John Brown was John the Baptist for the Christ we are to see,
Christ who of the bondsman shall the Liberator be;
And soon throughout the sunny South the slaves shall all be free.
For his truth is marching on.
Chorus

The conflict that he heralded, he looks from heaven to view,
On the army of the Union with its flag, red, white, and blue,
And heaven shall ring with anthems o'er the deeds they mean to do,
For his truth is marching on.
Chorus

Oh, soldiers of freedom, then strike while strike you may
The deathblow of oppression in a better time and way;
For the dawn of old John Brown was brightened into day,
And his truth is marching on.
Chorus

However, I just hope that we would never lose the meaning of the words reset to this great tune and miss an tremendous opportunity to savor the meaning by thinking about fireworks, and flag, and country, and grilling out in the backyard:

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord;
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword;
His truth is marching on.

I have seen Him in the watch fires of a hundred circling camps
They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps;
I can read His righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps;
His day is marching on.

I have read a fiery Gospel writ in burnished rows of steel;
“As ye deal with My contemners, so with you My grace shall deal”;
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the serpent with His heel,
Since God is marching on.

He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment seat;
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! be jubilant, my feet;
Our God is marching on.

In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us live to make men free; [Originally: let us die to make men free]
While God is marching on.

He is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
He is wisdom to the mighty, He is honor to the brave;
So the world shall be His footstool, and the soul of wrong His slave,
Our God is marching on.

A Dream.

So I had this really wierd dream the other night. There were many people in it, family, friends, famous actors. Anyway, in this dream all the people of the world woke up in an alternate world. Everyone's personality was slightly different, and the world - although normal in every way - just felt different. The personality differences reflected the person's "true" nature. Everyone was in a scramble to find their way out of this place - but there was this sense that we knew how to get out, we just didn't want to take it. This world was almost like purgatory. The only escape was to take a hard look at yourself and confess your secrets and bad habits, and mend broken relationships. I distinctly remember scrambling to find other ways out, trying everything - and not just me, everyone was. Finally we had to face ourselves, and face others, and work toward making things right. I sat down and confessed my bad habits and the things I didn't like about myself, and I remember sitting down and working to mend relationships and make up for lost time. Some of you might think this is a very wierd dream (which is probably was). Some of you might think it was a nightmare. I think there was a very pure beauty to it. It was what most of us need - a hard look at ourselves to see the good and the bad, to take time to invest in the relationships that matter, make ammends for our many faults and to learn what it means to owe nothing to anyone and live at peace with everyone - including ourselves.


Liz quote of the day (actually yesterday):

Liz (over AIM): ok. so i just went to war against a spider. i have to say. it was pretty impressive. i killed him with skintimate shaving creme.

It's been a while...

Dear Diary,

... j/k!!

I know, I know - it's been a long time since I've written and I apologize to all of you faithful readers. Truth of the matter is, I don't really want to account for most of my days this past week. The heat of summer is starting to get to me, mainly because people who are taking real classes are battling tests and studying, stress and crankiness, mostly leaving me to fend for myself, and I haven't exactly been doing well. This past week I completely overhauled the music library on my computer, updating the software, cleaning out all the files I no longer listen to, and relabeling and playlisting my music. I spent a lot of time sleeping, a lot of time listening to Jamie Cullum, Sonya Kitchell, Sara Groves, Norah and Shawn McDonald, and a lot of time watching ESPN. Good news is, I finished my first book, and am starting my next book Becoming Conversant with the Emerging Church by D.A. Carson.

This week has also been about reconnecting with people I miss a lot. Reb came in through town to visit me on her break from Oxford. We went to Panera and caught up as much as we could fit six months into a lunch break. I also got to chat for a good while with Jon and Sarah, I met them at the (24 hour!!) Starbucks in Temple. Wednesday, I got to see Taylor Dodgen at Oasis. It was pretty much grace from heaven. He was leading worship for the evening and I needed it. It's hard for me most of the time with music in church worship services -4 years of being a music major has honed my ear and destroyed my tolerance, and the past few weeks of worship have been kind of sketch to begin with. Wednesday, I could just rest and keep my mind focused.

We have a candidate coming in to be looked at for the college minister position, so lots of prayer needed there.

Quick notes:

1) If you take a 3 hour nap in the late afternoon, good luck getting to bed at a decent hour!
2) Even if you smell conspiracy, some days it's just easier in the long run to just say, "Sure, I'll drive."
3) I've been Mariokart free for 9 days! You, too, can fight your addictions!
4) It's a lot harder to putt and chip when it's for a grade.

Liz quote of the day:

Me: "Why is your map of the U.S. upside down?"
Liz: "It is? Ohhhh, it is! I knew there was something wrong with it."

Excuses, Excuses...

Early on this summer we had a discussion on Sunday morning in which I contended that in many cases, we as humans and Christians, cannot judge someone's actions as sin or not sin. I'm not talking about the blatant things, but about motives behind actions that we deem sin at worst, and foolish or unwise at best. God will be the judge of these things, and we cannot see the heart as He can. I felt that there were situations where a person can make decisions that do incredible harm to the Church, but do so with the right motives, simply not understanding the whole equation, or not knowing any better. Would a just God punish someone for ignorance?

I don't know whether my position has changed, but it certainly has been narrowed since that time. Romans 2 states:

"For all who have sinned without the law will also perish without the law, and all who have sinned under the law will be judged by the law. For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified. For when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do what the law requires, they are a law to themselves, even though they do not have the law. They show that the work fo the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them on that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus." (ESV)

This is much like the Law of Human Nature argument presented by C.S. Lewis in the opening of Mere Christianity, and it is right on.

The Normals have a song with the chorus, "Innocence, we never got to say goodbye, But the glory of redemption is the wisdom that we find has taken its place." I had forgotten the verse so often brought up in final judgement debates - "For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse." Romans 1:20 (ESV). Somehow, I think "I didn't know any better" simply won't cut it in the end.

This is the problem with being human. We have been plagued by the greatest deception in the history of the world. I take that back, we are continually plagued by the greatest deception in the history of the world. In my favorite way of phrasing it, we are trapped in these stupid bodies - bodies that are of the flesh, that are weak, that love sin, love pleasure, lack control, rationalize, excuse, and are cunningly deceived by a very, very dangerous enemy. Most of us don't even realize the depth of the fall.

I sat a listened to a conversation among Christians the other day about whether smoking pot in a legal state (and by state I mean country) was a sin or not. None of the group had ever had any experience with marijuana, so were relying on what they had read or had been related to them. The group agreed that drunkeness was clearly a sin and was outlawed for the reason that one's mind is in an altered and uncontrolled state while intoxicated. They also agreed that drinking alcohol at all under the age of 21 was a sin, because it is illegal in the place where we live. It was brought up that people and even some entire cultures smoke pot for the express means of feeling "closer to God". In a similar note, Jazz musicians smoke pot to better experience the music, and critics agree that some of the most incredible music and writing about Jazz has come under the influence of marijuana. So it was concluded... not having personally understood the effects of pot, and if one was to find himself in a country where it was legal, and if someone did it to feel closer to God, there was maybe a sliver of possibility - depending on the effects of pot on the mind - that it could be alright. Now I don't believe that any of these guys would ever smoke pot. BUT SERIOUSLY.

How easy it is for us to get so sidetracked. Whittle down an issue, cut a little corner, overlook a few things, simplify it and anything can look pretty good. That's all it takes. But we live not in a black and white world, but a world in full living color. There is a whole spectrum to be taken in! Never mind legal or illegal, or what constitutes altered states - can you really step up in the end and say that the best stewardship of your gifts and abilities and time on that day was to spend an afternoon wiggin' with Mary Jane? And that's not even addressing the issue of why in the world you would need pot to enhance your view of God - go sit in a truckbed one night and convince yourself you can count all the stars, or sit on a cliff and watch the sunset!

But it's not things like marijuana. It's things like television, or video games, or movies, what you read, or how you spend your time with friends - it's what you surf for on the internet, the way you spend your money, what you talk about, how you talk to eachother, what you eat. Are we making compromises without even recognizing them? Or have we made compromises over and over until they are norms for us?

Here's an excerpt from a John Piper sermon:

…I just plead with you. Don’t throw your life away. You were made to know His Glory. If you say, “I can’t, I won’t, I’m gonna watch TV to get my kicks, I’m gonna do all the other stuff horizontally that are here to do,” …You will waste your life and lose it in the end. That’s number two.

Finally, number three, the word riches. Let’s go to verse 23 again: “God’s purpose is to make known the riches of his glory for the vessels of mercy which he prepared beforehand for glory.” To make known the riches of His Glory, let’s focus on the word riches, as we get ready to close.

Why did he use the word riches? Wealth? For this reason: So that we would be awakened to the truth, that to have God’s Glory as our inheritance makes all the wealth of this world as nothing. If you had all the money in Ft. Knox, or the Ft. Knox of all the nations of the world, you’d be a pauper compared to those who had the Glory of God and nothing else. That’s why he uses the word wealth… “Don’t lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and thieves break in and steal…Lay up for yourself treasures in heaven”, that is, increase your potential enjoyment of the Glory of God…by loving it here, living for it here, sacrificing for it here, lowering your life standard here, so that there’s more of God and less of the world here…Pouring mercy out through your bank accounts, and out of your pockets, so that you learn what it is to receive God’s mercy.

Oh, this word riches is amazing…when you do a study of it. It is unimaginable Paul said…listen to this word: “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, no heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.” The riches of the Glory of God are unimaginable…Or immeasurable. Take the word immeasurable and go to Ephesians 2:7… “In the coming ages he will show the immeasurable riches of his Glory in kindness to us in Christ Jesus.” Do you see what Ephesians 2:7 is saying? “In the coming ages, he will show,” verse 23, his aim is to show the riches of his glory “…he will show in the coming ages the riches of his grace in kindness…”

Why does he say, “in the coming ages”? You know why? It’s going to take ages, and I would add everlasting ages, for God to finish showing us all of the riches of His Glory. Which means, we will never know all of the riches of his glory. Or better to say, we will always know, every day of eternity, more of the riches of his glory. The reason eternity exists for God’s vessels of mercy, is because these vessels will require endless days to receive new revelations of God’s mercy. A finite vessel cannot receive all of the Glory of God, otherwise we would be infinite also, and if we’re infinite, then we’re God, and God is no longer our God, we are God. Therefore, we will always be finite and yet moving toward infinite possibilities of joy. There will not be one boring day in eternity, (as I feared there would be when I was nine years old). And there will not be one day when the almost infinite pile of past revelations aren’t ripening in the memory giving joy upon joy and every morning there will be new mercies bursting as coming up over some alpine ridge upon our minds to give fresh delights. Old delights ripening, fresh delights coming every day, this is the way it will be forever, and ever, and ever. That is why he uses the word riches. Riches of glory, inexhaustible riches, immeasurable riches, unimaginable riches! And you were made for this.

Oh, if you would just get this! You would turn the TV off, I know you’d turn it off! And you would set your face to see the sky! You would look into your wife or your husband, your babies’ or your friend’s eyes and try to feel wonder! You’d try to get yourself ready for the magnificence of the Glory instead of being drug down into the dirt, and the emptiness, and the triviality, and the banality, and the trifling of television day after day, after day, shrinking, shrinking, shrinking your capacities for spiritual, powerful Joy.

I just plead with you. Set your face to know this Glory! ...Set your Heart to know this Glory! Lay up BIG treasures in heaven!


In the end, very few if any of us can claim ignorance - instead, we might just see for the first time the true depth of how far we fell.

Innocence, we never got to say goodbye
But the glory of redeption
is the wisdom that we find has taken its place...

U.S. Open, First Round

Quick note:

The first round of the U.S. Open is through - and it looks to be a rough weekend. Only Colin Montgomerie is under par. Ryan Baca from Baylor is playing as an amateur, and playing well considering the course and the field - so if you get to watch, root for Baylor! Tiger is showing some rust, and I hope he comes around and plays brilliantly through the rest of the weekend. It would be something special for him to win a major this Father's Day. Also, it has come to my attention that Tadd Fujikawa, a 15 year old from Hawaii is in the Open. He's 5'1 and 135 lbs., but can average 280 yds on a drive. I think that pretty much makes it imperative that you root for him as well.

2 Girls, A Spider, and a Broom, Oh My!!

After class before I got ready to workout I received a call from Liz. As soon as I heard her voice I could tell something awful had happened.

"Are you doing anything... like... now?" She asked.
"um... not really... What's up?" I replied.
"Well..." She paused. "I found a spider in my closet."

Words cannot express how hard I laughed at that moment. (Is that terrible of me?)
I could hear someone in the background and so I asked who else was there. It was just her and Tori - and they both were terrified! I agreed to head over and check it out, so in a few minutes I was headed up the stairs to their apartment. I arrived to find them both guarding the door to the closet, broom in hand. It was previously decided that Liz and Tori would be best served learning to take care of bugs on their own, so I refused to kill the spider (a very small daddy-long-legs as it turned out) and forced one of the girls to summon up the courage to do so. After a little whining they finally realized that I wasn't going to give in, and I handed Liz the broom, assuring her that she could reach and kill the spider without even entering the closet.

"Ewww! It's crawling toward my jacket! Don't get on my jacket!" she cried.
"Well, you better defend your jacket!" I smirked.

She finally mustered up some bravery and readied to take a swipe. What happened next is kind of a blur. All I know is that there was a swipe, a miss, a spider falling down, a scream, another scream, and two girls running as fast as they could out into the bedroom and behind the bed!

"I saw it flying at me!" Liz shrieked, "With it's eyes, and it's legs pointed right at me!"

You would be hard pressed to amuse me more than I was just then. Liz proceeded to inch back to the closet doorway and poke her head around wondering where the spider went. She took the handle of the broom and moved around a basket with it to uncover the spider slowly making its way back up the wall. After some prodding of the girls, it was Tori to stepped up. She grabbed the broom and took a huge sweep at the spider knocking it against the baseboard. And then she took 20 more! Up and down and back and forth, and forward and backward, and sideways, over and over until there was nothing left.

Disaster averted, I headed back to my apartment and then to work out - wondering what chaos would erupt in their apartment the next time, and hoping for a little courage.

My Strengthquest profile says that "no matter how much you may feel you deserve a day of rest, if the day passes without some form of achievement, no matter how small, you will feel dissatisfied." I think I turned that part off for the past couple of days! Not that I've been doing nothing, but I certainly haven't been as driven as I normally am. Yesterday was pretty normal, except that class was cancelled, so I went to the driving range instead - then proceeded on the normal schedule of working out, eating, and doing aimless little things through the afternoon.

I am a sports fan. Doesn't really matter what it is, I love to watch it, keep up with it, learn it, play it. Yesterday I got to watch Brazil play their opening World Cup match (on TV of course). Now I don't understand soccer - I mean, of course I understand the concept, but I don't know every foul, or when it's just posession, or a free kick, or a penalty kick, and I don't know what designated roles a midfielder is supposed to play. I listened to the announcers go on and on about Brazil and their domination and technical skill, but more about their youthful love of the game and energy and creativity when they played. Then I watched the teams take the field. I hope you get the chance to see a World Cup match from beginning to end. The atmosphere is incredible! I can't begin to imagine how many people are there, but those stadiums are absolutely magnificent. I keep hearing people say that Brazil didn't play that well, or that they only won 1-0. Those people must not have watched the game. Brazil plays unlike any team I have ever seen. I can't even begin to figure out how to do some of the things they do with the ball, or how they manage to flow across the field as they do. If you want in the moment displayals of Nike Soccer's "Joga Bonito", watch Brazil play.

Today, however, was uneventful. Hopefully I'll get back in a groove. Life's so much better unpredicatable.

Funny quotes:

Liz: "What game is this?"
Me: "Game 3."
Liz: "And the Mav's have won 3?"
Me: "uh....."

Liz (talking about the Beatles): "I don't know why, but whenever I hear Ringo, I always think of a rainbow!"

Liz (while driving): "Oh!! I lost my stomach!"

Saturday, June 10

The Wedding day.

While the girls had hair appointments at 9am, the guys first event was at 12:30 at Rooster's. Rooster's is a "men's grooming center" which means it's a high end barber shop. The guys all had slots to get cleaned up before the wedding. Don't ever let any guy tell you he doesn't like being pampered. We don't get the chance very often, but when we do, it's amazing. This certainly was. We're talking all out - leaned back, hot towels over the eyes and face, all kinds of facial treatments (Who knows what they were?!? Some kind of pre-shave lotion, shaving cream, after shave, and "special after-shave pore refining moisturizer" so said my stylist.)

If we weren't ready for a nap after all that, the Chicago-style deep dish pizza we ate after certainly put us in the mood for it! Unfortunately there wasn't any time, and we headed back to get changed and head to the church.

The wedding was amazing and a ton of fun, and after hanging out at Starbucks, I headed back into town and made it in about 1:30 am.

Funny moments:

After the sending the bride and groom away from the reception, a friend remarked, "Well, I'm getting another piece of cake!"

Friday, June 9

Friday was really laid back. We got up and had an amazing breakfast at the lodge, and hen loaded up and headed into San Antonio. After checking into the room, we were basically free to lounge around until the rehearsal dinner.

The rehearsal was enjoyable - there were a lot of funny moments, and a lot of girls and at one point the groom almost biting it while ascending the stairs to their places before the altar. Nothing like falling even before the long dresses and heels to make a girl nervous she'll make a spectacle of herself. My friend who hates orange (she says it clashes with her hair) happened to get the only practice bouquet with orange flowers - which I thought was hilarious, and Jordan looked like a ballerina while trying to relax his legs from standing at the front for so long.

At the rehearsal dinner I found out that two girls I went to high school with were cousins of the groom, which only solidified my roommate's idea that I know everyone in the world. The food was great and the guys spent the evening around a hookah debating and chatting the night away.


Funny moments:

One of the guys recommended to Jordan that he take a hit from the hookah, exhale a little, take a bigger hit, exhale a little, take an even bigger hit, and then hold it in. Jordan tried it, and after gasping, was prodded, "Did you feel it? Did you?". Jordan replied, "I think it was the lack of oxygen I was feeling!"

Two of my favorite girls, Amanda and Sara, were part of the wedding party. Amanda is very elegant and refined, classy, deceptively intelligent and a little reserved. Sara is very upfront and energetic, blatant and honest with a huge heart. I love them both for those exact reasons. They passed the table on the way to the bathroom and my roommate remarked, "That right there is the difference between those two," for Amanda asked, "Do you know where the restroom is?" and Sara announced, "I have to go potty!"

Thursday, June 8

Thursday was a very... unpredicatable day - but in a really good way. After class, I had three missed calls all from Andie - so I immediately called her back. Turns out she was stranded at MCC with car trouble, but she had found a friend to come help her. I headed back to the apartment, and after sitting in the parking lot for a little while - decided it would be best to head up to MCC and check it out... Good thing too, because just as I hit campus she called me to tell me to come up there anyway. I'm sure some subconscious macho car tinkering gene was activated in my head and I just couldn't resist. Anyway - to make a long story short - the next few hours were spent sitting and running crazily around town but ended up with a new battery for her, a free burger for me, and me being crowned hero for a day (which I'll trade a few hours for any day).

The car trouble set me back a few hours in getting down for the bachelor party/wedding festivities - but I packed up and headed down as soon as I could. The bad side was hitting Austin at 5:15 on a weekday and having to fight the traffic. The good side was making it to Joshua Creek Ranch just in time to sit down and be presented with Shiner and a steak dinner! I have to tell you though - I've been to many different parts of the US from Hawaii and Alaska, to Virginia, Georgia and Florida - but on this day, at that moment there wasn't a place more beautiful and freeing than the Texas hill country. It was Wordsworth who said "Earth has not anything to show more fair: Dull would he be of soul who could pass by a sight so touching in its majesty." Take a drive through the hill country sometime by yourself after an intense day and take note of everything you see - flowers, animals, trees... Look for the hills with man-made ridges paced evenly along their sides that stretch back to some Indian tradition. Make sure you find a road that winds and twists through the country giving you the feeling you should be in a Mazda commercial. It's worth it, believe me.

After dinner Scott (the groom) decided he would try a dessert wine. He picked a Renwood Orange Muscat. Now Scott is an intellectual, and so are many of his friends - so they all pride themselves in an understanding of the fineries of life and for the most part, they do a nice job of it. You know the type - wine and imported beer connoisseurs, cigar and pipe smokers, food tasters. So Scott and some others at the table decided to give this wine a try. A quick google search comes up with this description of the wine:

The Orange Muscat displays aromas of mango, ripe banana, honey, and kiwi with a hint or orange blossom. The entry displays luscious melon and honey suckle fruit flavors that help to round out the lightweight texture on the palate. Though this Orange Muscat is a dessert style wine, the acid structure balances out the sweet characters, resulting in a lingering and balanced finish.

So they were presented with the wine, swirled the wine, smelled the wine, commented on its sugary scent, tasted the wine and then made some more comments. You know how it goes - wines are full, or smooth, round, oaken, sweet, crisp, fruity, smoky, strong, or balanced. I have to tell you, I think it is more a vocabulary than a refined palate that makes you a skilled taster - for while everyone else played the game, it was Jordan who was quick to comment with a grin: "It tastes like apple juice!."

The rest of the night was spent hanging out with the group smoking cigars and pipes, and playing poker. After the first game was finished, it was decided there was time for another, but I decided not to go in this round, and sat outside on the patio contemplating the day. I had a great conversation with a friend who felt like she was in an awkward position and I reminded her, and myself, that if ever you are part of a good thing, and you know it's a good thing, but you can only come away with ok's or negatives, then try a different perspective and see what comes out the next time. It's amazing how a new perspective, a single event, a good attitude, or something even worse can turn a bad day golden.

While I was sitting out, a ring-tailed cat decided to get curious and climbed from tree to tree above me - peering down and around limbs. I later decided later to call him Skitters, because he would inch forward toward something he liked, and then rush back about 4 or 5 feet and around the tree all of a sudden. It was a nice end to a good day.

Funny quotes:

Andie, fresh off the phone with Dad, to Mom: "Dad was mean to me!"

I realize that I missed a day - really two days of posting. Things around here have been mulling away as normal on the surface - but have been relentlessly wearing away underneath - but good nonetheless.

I received a text message Monday night informing me that a friend's father had committed suicide. My prayers are with him and his family during this time. I had the opportunity to talk with him over the phone briefly, and get a gauge for where he was mentally and spiritually in the hours after. He is a Calvinist, and so much of the conversation was about purpose, and God's omniscience, and Him making all things work for good. It was good to hear him say those things, but it all seemed too familiar. I had heard these lines before. It was just as lines rehearsed over and over again, lines that are repeated after a personal tragedy yet phrased exactly the same after 9/11, or a hurricane, or a fire, or a car accident, or an argument. To me it rang as impersonal. It rang as words from a persecuted man understanding a distant "good" God. Maybe I was just skeptical in such a situation or maybe I just couldn't read the inflection over the phone. But in any case - its actually quite brave in such a situation to stick to your guns, and I firmly believe that if he hasn't already, that down the road he will come to understand it in a way that is aligned with the Calvinist understanding that God had brought him. But I think in that situation I would have more questions than answers. I know I would run into the arms of my Father like children curl up and cry in their mother's bosom just after she thumped them across their hindside. Logically, it makes no sense, but in the moment it's the only thing that makes any sense at all.


This past week a received word that a friend's mother had died after an 8 year battle with a rare form of breast cancer. Actually the mother of 3 friends - Becca, John, and Joey. My prayers are with them as well. The world has lost a phenomenal woman. There is a small comfort in knowing that her goal was to see her youngest, Joey, graduate from high school which took place two years ago.

I remember her as a high school Sunday School teacher at my church where all three of her children were active in youth group. She was far more than that in support of the schools and the city. The wife of the district judge, she was a lawyer herself (both were Baylor Law grads) and offered her time and energy tirelessly to community organizations, the schools and her children who were active in Boy Scouts, sports, drama, choir, church, etc. Yet even after she was diagnosed and began treatment she continued to be an incredible host and mother to so many of us. Future mothers take note. She somehow managed to balance all these things, and restart a law practice - while raising three of the most amazing children I have ever known. Her strength, intelligence, leadership, kindness and generosity live on in them.

Tonight I had a wonderful conversation with a friend who lives in Colorado. I'm envious of her opportunities to get outdoors this summer, as she has already gone camping with her family, hiking, and will go to Yosemite next week.

(I never tire of the outdoors no matter what punishment it doles out. It does so without prejudice and redeems itself with countless displays of beauty and wonder. It never ceases to teach me and draw me closer to its Creator. And, of course, it is a never ending playground for the curiosity of a boy who never grew up.)

She never ceases to amaze and challenge me. She is working, taking classes, and spending time with her family - yet finds time to have read three books so far this summer, with another three already started! And here I am halfway through my first - and all I do is go to beginning golf! She is such a blessing to me, getting to know her more and more, and being able to just sit and rest and talk with her about anything and everything. Her pursuit of God, relationships, and knowledge is in constant overflow into my life. Plus, updating her on what is going on in my life forces me to look carefully at how I'm spending my days, and really reflect and put perspective on those things.

Tomorrow I head out to a bachelor shindig and a wedding, so there probably won't be any posts until Sunday. Remember - Pay attention. Keep in step.

Quick notes:

1) No offense girls, but Wingstop hangouts are better with the guys - but the fries are just as amazing either way!
2) If you think two girls can't move a couch up three floors by themselves, you're probably right.
3) For those of you who think from my posts that I clean the apartment all day every day, pleae don't be mistaken! By "clean" I mean do dishes, organize, vacuum, dust - but never all at once. And by "cleaned the apartment" I mean - dusted the living room while watching PTI and Sportcenter on ESPN, probably followed by a well-deserved nap!
4) Is there a difference between crispy and crunchy? Of course! It's the difference between wheaties and grape nuts.

Quotes of the day:

Liz (referring to people with personal AC's):
(Note: see http://bigkidatheart.stores.yahoo.net/nikrchardavf.html )
"I mean they look goofy... but they're cool."

Liz (distracted by a billboard while driving): "Ooo! Look! Credit... debit..."
Me: "... stop sign...."
Liz: "OHHHH!!!"
- Well... I guess it's a good thing she drives a big red truck! She's protected and everyone can see her coming!

Liz quote of the day:

"My stomach is on fire! It's like there's a dragon in there going 'bwhaahhh' "
That's a fire-blowing sound by the way. How do you spell a fire blowing sound!?

Question and Answers of the day:
"Is there a difference between crispy and crunchy?"
Andie: "It's how I like my men!" (referring to crispy... don't worry I don't get it either)
Tori: "I'd rather be crispy than crunchy."
Liz: "I'd rather be... um... lightly toasted."

Today was. And is no more.


Andie quote of the day:

"I like to hunt with my hands. I hunt for shoes!"

Liz quote of the day:

"... those nitrogen pills! You know, the ones you have to take when you have a heart attack or stroke. My grandpa has to use them when I drive!"

The confusing thing about a blog is that it is set to a time schedule, and not a college one! So that means that when I finally get ready for bed, and finally input an entry, it's often past midnight and then shows up on the day after the day I'm writing about! Oh well. Bear with me.

Today (yesterday!) was a Sunday! Church this morning was good. I had some things on my mind and was a little late to service anyway, so I opted to just go upstairs and pray over some things before Bible study. Bible study this morning was over the "unpardonable sin" - and was very interesting... hopefully more on that to come sometime soon.

We ate lunch at Cheddar's and after running to pick up some things from the house, I got lazy and took a short nap. We ate dinner at Chili's and then went back to hang out while some of the girls worked on homework. They tried to set up a wireless router which ended up with me taking over - which ended up to be a completely ridiculous task - and after a couple of hours and some digging, finally figured out the configurations that would work with the apartment's wierd internet setup. Then it was on to more computer escapades setting up wireless cards, and installing programs, etc. It was productive, and good to help out, I guess, but it sure wasn't just chillin'!

Anyway, I intended to write out some thoughts about this morning, but it's late and I want some sleep!

Quick notes:

1) Learning to pick locks is a useful skill that I don't have.
2) Dibs on leftovers is one of the best things about eating with girls.
3) The more days that pass, the more I realize just how little I know about women.
4) I miss my boys. A LOT!

Echoes.

Today was a pretty solemn day. Not in the respectful, spiritual way - but more in the quiet, melancholy, oppressive way. It was a Saturday so I didn't set the alarm but got up at a pretty regular time anyway. After wasting an hour or so, I went to work out. After a Walmart and HEB run it was on to cleaning - dishes had to be done, downstairs had to be dusted and vacuumed, and the downstairs bathroom had to be cleaned.

This evening was very quiet. I started to watch the Mavs game, but soon lost interest (really abnormal!). I decided the best option was to take a book to Starbucks - drink non-spiffed up, normal decaf coffee and settle in.

But tonight was one of those nights... one of those nights when I wished I wished I was fixing two coffees instead of one - two sugars, not one as I like in mine - nonfat milk not half-and-half with just a hint of cinnamon. I wished it was just small talk, not deep pressing thoughts. Then we could sit and watch the game, and I could be charmingly patronizing about basketball and sports in general. Then, full from victory, we'd settle down leaning under lamps on opposite ends of the couch and I could dig into a book I've been dying to read. Then I could read aloud all the parts I liked, and my excited quotes would be matched with responses from some novel, or magazine - maybe the latest health news, or story from Hollywood, or movie review, or place to visit, or crafty project to try out.

I don't know why Me told I that it should be one of those nights, but I think it's because in my mind that scene is comfortable. There are no deep conversations because it's already been said. There are no illusions, or facades, no inhibitions. It is established, stable, yet free. There is no question of value or worth, no question of love. It just is. It just flows.

"And then I thought how very beautiful it was that God made Adam work for so long because there is no way, after a hundred years of being alone, looking for somebody whom you could connect with in your soul, that you would take advantage of a woman once you met one. She would be the most precious creation in all the world, and you would probably wake up every morning and look at her and wonder at her beauty, or the gentle, silent way she sleeps. It stands to reason if Byron, Keats, and Shelley made beauty from reflecting on their muses, having grown up around women all their lives, that even these sonnets could not capture the sensation Adam must have felt when he opened his eyes to find Eve."

- Donald Miller, from Searching for God Knows What

Once again, I still think honesty is better.

Today was a different day. Golf today was at the driving range which was exciting - but my back was still acting up so I didn't know how much shoulder turn I would be able to create. After warming up it ended up being all ok! However, I opted to not work out today and just take it easy.

Most of today was designated chores around the apartment. I did laundry, cleaned the bathroom, reorganized my clothes and closet, and dusted around the room. I managed to get a nap in there too!

Late this afternoon however, I got this call from a friend (I was sleeping so I checked the message after I woke up!). I called her back and we started talking. I was dumbfounded. She basically let me know that she felt that there was this wedge between us, and we proceeded to hunt down the source and history of this issue. Sure there were layers and layers to dig through, but at one point she told me that she had been offended just after spring break - and instead of coming to me, she let it fester and grow and grow, until now she wasn't comfortable talking to me about anything personal, and wouldn't even be comfortable praying with me in a group!

A million things came flying at me, and million thoughts rushed through my head, and another million emotions to go with all of them. In the end, I felt more betrayed than anything. We have had a dozen lunches together since that time, and plenty of other hang out times and conversations. She chose to hide it and let it grow. I felt like she was cutting me with cancer. Was I at fault? Of course to some extent. I caught whiffs of something every once in a while, but figured it was a bad day, or a stupid comment. I was not prepared for this. Now what?

She wants it to be healed, over, back to where it was - and I haven't even had time to look down and see how deep the wound is. I agree there must be reconcilliation, but she has had a couple months to recognize where this took her. I have no idea what will come up from the black spots on my own heart. Now it is my turn to pay for what's coming - and I haven't figured out yet how to stop a thunderstorm:

How do you perceive me? How do you? Or You? How much should that matter? Am I honest? Aren't I honest? Are you honest with me? Am I overbearing? Am I power hungry? Am I proud? Am I bitter? Am I brave? Am I prepared? What do I know? What do I need to know? What evil will come out of me next? What good? What evil will come for me next? What if acting rightly ends up wrong? Do I often think wrong decisions are right ones? Do people like me or just put up with me? Am I worth liking, or loving? What else is behind the corner? When do I just need to shut up? When do I say my piece? Does anything heal all the way? What's the next move? Can I answer any of these questions? Who am I? Who am I to you? To You?

I feel a breeze.

Eternal Father, strong to save,
Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,
Who biddest the mighty ocean deep
Its own appointed limits keep;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in peril on the sea!

O Christ! Whose voice the waters heard
And hushed their raging at Thy Word,
Who walked on the foaming deep,
And calm amidst its rage didst sleep;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in peril on the sea!

Most Holy Spirit! Who didst brood
Upon the chaos dark and rude,
And bid its angry tumult cease,
And give, for wild confusion, peace;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in peril on the sea!

O Trinity of love and power!
Our family shield in danger’s hour;
From rock and tempest, fire and foe,
Protect us wheresoever we go;
Thus evermore shall rise to Thee
Glad hymns of praise from land and sea.

Quick notes:

1) I still think honesty is better.
2) I am what I am and nothing else. But what exactly is that?
3) Dust finds its way into the most amazing places.
4) Bravery. The world could use more of it.
5) What's life without the next hill?
6) I can get full off of a five-egg omelet.
7) It's pretty impressive to fold a five-egg omelet!
8) Did I mention I still think honesty is better?

...to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Golf Day 3

Today Eric moved out of the apartment. He and his dad came in late last night and then moved most of the morning and early afternoon. I went to golf, where we learned how to putt and practiced putting and full swing. Tomorrow we go to the driving range! While working out I tweaked my back a little, and it started tightening up. I hope it's better by tomorrow morning so that I can take full swings at the range. I finished my other assignment at Chelsea's - putting together the bookshelf, and just chilled for the rest of the evening. The Mav's game was on later and they won! Now just one more win propels them to the Finals! I don't have any real plans for the weekend, but I'm sure I'll think of something (sleep if nothing else!).

Today I found a hilarious article from the Washington Post posted on MSNBC. It's about wingmen! Ladies, read this article to know what to watch out for!

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/13055980/?GT1=8211

Quick notes:

1) If you're tired already and have to drive, you might think twice about working out.
2) Ladies, if you're going to stick ducks to the wall in your bathtub... and then name them!!... make sure you use girl names instead of guy names - otherwise Charlie (the duck) and his cohorts will watch you shower every day, and that's just wierd!
3) Once again - if a girl has just moved in and wants you to sit around and chat or watch a movie to keep her company while she unpacks and cleans - don't bet on it! You'll be making a bookshelf in no time!

Liz moment of the day:

Going to the wrong building for her class... Sitting in the wrong class in the right building... Being late to the right class... And then being unable to find where she parked her truck after class was over!

Golf Day 2

Today we learned the grip and the full swing in golf. We lined up in rows across from eachother and hit whiffle balls back and forth. It was hilarious, because you had people getting hit by raining whiffle balls while trying to hit them back! After class I worked out and then mailed off my scholarship at FedEx. This afternoon I tried to play basketball with Jonathan, but after working out my arms were pretty shot. I couldn't get anything to fall! Oh well. Some days it's like that anyway - at least today I had an excuse. This evening I went with the girls out to Highland for their evening "Oasis" Bible study. It was pretty good, and it was nice to visit there again. The girls had to work on homework, so I sat around and putted golf balls across the carpet while they finished their work. Today wasn't as hilarious as the others - but we were all pretty tired, and it was fun nonetheless.

First Day of Class

Today I started beginning golf! I attempted to move my workout schedule to before class started, and promptly failed miserably! I set my alarm for 7:40 but didn't get up for another hour, which gave me only enough time to get some breakfast and run a quick errand before class. The first day was short - only half an hour of basic housekeeping junk. I worked out after I got out of class and after cleaning up went out to the church to pick up a recommendation letter, and ended up sitting around and chatting for a while. I grabbed a late lunch with some friends before they left town - Ross was there and it was good to catch up with him and also have a guy around to talk to! The evening was spent putting together an entertainment center for a friend who just moved into her apartment. Then it was the usual hanging out with friends until late. We played video games and spoons! I think we're going to work for more creative activities to come. I just came home and finished my scholarship application to be mailed tomorrow.

Highlight of the day: Free spaghetti dinner! It was good!

Liz quote of the day:

Liz: "Why do you have to turn the light on three times?"
- Because it's a touch lamp.
"It's a touch lamp?" CLAP-CLAP!!.... "Ohhhh!! A touch Lamp!"

Oh Liz... Who would we laugh at without you? We should probably get you a clap-on clap-off lamp just to be funny.

Quick notes:

1) When a girl says you should come over and chat to keep her company while she unpacks and moves in, don't believe that you'll actually be sitting on the couch talking while she works alone!
2) I still think honesty is better.
3) I'm not a beat-around-the-bush fan. Girls, I really think it sets you up for crazy stalker men.
4) Bravery deserves bravery in turn. It's only fair.
5) Have you ever needed to burp really badly, and for the life of you, nothing happened?

Can video games really be this addicting?

Today was a very relaxing day. After a workout at the SLIC, a quick swim and lay out at the pool was nice. After lunch, the afternoon consisted of video games - although only a few hours, probably more than I have played in the last year combined. Seriously, can Mariokart 64 really be that addicting? It quickly reminds me why I removed counterstrike and other games from my computer, and why I don't have any video game systems of my own - although it was nice for a day. This evening a group of people here for the summer got together to eat BBQ at Uncle Dan's. It was great to those friends and also get to hang out with some guys! (Seriously, I love you girls, you know I do, but I could use some guy time for sure!) Tonight I worked a little bit on a scholarship application that has to be mailed on Wednesday and managed to make my room a little cleaner than when I started the day.

Tomorrow morning, my class starts, moving my workout routine to earlier in the morning I hope (8am!) - but I would rather get a good start, than have to eat up early afternoon hours at the SLIC instead of on other projects. We'll see how it goes!


Quick notes:

For the ladies:
1) Honesty is always nice.
2) Keep an eye on the guys you hang out with alone, and maybe their roommates too!
3) "Encouragement" is pretty hilarious. I can't thank Ben enough!
4) Girl time is understandable and should always be respected!

Liz quote of the day:

In response to being told about Chocolate Covered Strawberries BlueBell Ice Cream -
"I don't like strawberries... wait... Yeah I do! I don't know what I'm saying!"

Summer 2006 - The Beginning

What an great start to this summer. I have such high hopes for what can be accomplished in the next couple of months, and what that will mean for this coming year - my last as an undergrad in college. Each day has been productive - cleaning, organizing, hanging out with friends, etc. - but as a whole, this summer seems to just rush on. I think there's a big part of me that desires so much more substance to what I am doing each day, and yet my head and my heart can't seem to come up with ways to find it.

I've started to work out every day (which has been amazing) and I've started on my first summer reading continuing Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller which had to be put on standby during the semester. I hope to get through at least five books this summer, although there are nine on my end table and more on the the waiting list.

The job search never really got off the ground, but I think between my one class, weddings, side projects, and the weeks that I am gone in July to help with choir camp and go down at the TCDA convention in San Antonio, I think I'm better off without it.

This week marks the first with people back for the first summer session of classes. It has been rather quiet around here over the past couple of weeks - but it should pick up a little now. I miss everyone that is out of town (or out of country for that matter) but know that they are out there doing what they need to be doing, and soaking all the joys that freedom from school and away from this place can offer.

A couple quick notes:

1) Days spent beside the pool are better spent with friends.
2) If you're going to stay up until 6am talking on a balcony, you might as well wait up to watch the sunrise.
3) If you're going to help someone move in, at least try to cut a deal that gets you a free meal.